It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
