Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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