I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
