I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize