i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
