if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
