was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
