I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
