apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
