I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
