hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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