i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
