Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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