I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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