Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
