i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
