I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
