I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
