Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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