I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
