Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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