Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
