Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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