It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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