Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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