yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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