I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
