dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
