I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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