oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
