margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
