Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Two words: nipple clamps
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