so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
