Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
