I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
