I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize