i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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