Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
its liver damage thursday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
