Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
