My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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