I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
