Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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