Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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