you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
