walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
