so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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