The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
