You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Too much gin, very little bucket
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
