Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
