I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
