so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
