You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i will never coherently bang her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
