FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
