summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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