Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
