captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
