Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Randomize
