so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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