God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
