If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
