Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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