Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize