how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
