All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
