Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
