How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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