dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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