I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
