every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
